Let's Be Literal

Erma Bombeck wrote a column once in which a disgruntled housewife writes to the manufacturer of bug spray with a complaint that the roaches she used their spray on didn't die immediately like the ones in the commercial... and little "R.I.P" signs didn't rise up out of the ground where they lie. It made me think about those people out there who take things literally. Here's my version:
Dear Scott's Miracle Grow company:
Recently, while using your product, I became distracted and mistakenly put a half-cup of water more into the solution of miracle grow. Since your label expressly states that using your product in a manner that is not consistent with its label instructions is a federal crime, I felt it was my duty to inform you of this error. I assure you I immediately discarded the overly-diluted formula, but it did not wash away the guilt. Please Scott's Miracle Grow Company, I urge you to take whatever action is necessary and report my actions to the highest federal authority if that is what you must do.
Thank you for your time.
Best regards,
Law-breaking gardener in Arizona