You Don't Have to Read This

Ever had one of those friends who tries to persuade you into not doing something with the old “you don’t have to do anything” phrase. Like when you tell them you have to go to work instead of the Mexican Midget Rodeo, they make you feel like some sissy conformist who’s working for the man. You don’t have to do anything. Let’s evaluate their logic with the following questions: “Who makes us do these things we have to do?“ and “Why do we have to do them?”

Q. Who makes us do the things we have to do?
A. The man. Your friend is right.
There are several different forms of the man out there: The government (I have to pay my taxes), your boss (I have to go to work), your teacher (I have to turn in this assignment), your girlfriend’s cat (I have to feed Mr. Flufferwubbykins), etc… Yes, the man is omnipresent; an all-pervading entity designed by humanity to dictate our actions and fueled by necessity.

Q. Why do we have to do them?
A. We don’t. Your friend is right.
We convince ourselves that we have to do things because we don’t think there is an alternative. Oh, there are alternatives for everything. Let us review a few. For completeness’ sake, we will observe the ‘Have-to’ the ‘Alternative’ and for fun, the ‘Result’.

Have-to: I have to go to work.
Alternative: You don’t go to work
Result: You get fired

Have-to: I have to visit my Grandma
Alternative: You don’t visit your Grandma
Result: You do not get inheritance when Grandma kicks it

Have-to: I have to eat
Alternative: You don’t eat
Result: You die

And those are just a few examples. Okay, now for:
The Flaw in the Logic:

Have-to: You have to go to the bathroom
Alternative: You don’t go to the bathroom
Result: You still have to go to the bathroom.
*As everyone knows, still having to go to the bathroom is virtually the same as having to go to the bathroom. So there you go. There’s your argument. Next time your sissy, belittling, non-conformist, anti-authority, hippie friend tells you that you don’t have to do anything, you can tell them- in all honesty- you most certainly do.