Illustration Friday: ReflectionRight now I am experiencing one of the greatest pleasures I have ever known. I am having some of my mother's cheesecake. I guess, by definition, it is actually a "cheese pie" but whatever, it is so good. Though I'm sure they didn't have this recipe in ancient times, I always imagined that the first cheesecakes must've tasted this good and the recipe was lost to all but my mother's family and passed down through the generations. For those of you who haven't read the Time Scout books or learned about the history of cheesecake elsewhere, it was invented by the Greeks a long time ago. I've read that the athletes would eat it before the Olympic games but if I'm correct about it tasting like my mom's, then it must have been the prize (in addition to staying alive till the next Olympic games).
My dad never liked my mom's cheescake. When I was young, I just thought he had a great deal of self-control when she'd pass out plates and he wouldn't take one. It turns out that he doesn't like any cheesecake (even the best one), something I will never understand but have come to appreciate. There are a lot of reasons I love my parents, too many to count (and I'm not just saying that). But the things I can think of most right now are my mom's delicious cheesecake and the fact that my dad always gives me his share. What fantastic parents I have!
Optimism is good and pessimism is bad. This is what we are taught from the very earliest stages on. We are reminded not to act as though the glass is half-empty but as though it is half-full. But I think both optimism and pessimism are good, and I think both optimism and pessimism are bad.
The standard argument is that the way we perceive events has a direct effect on the outcomes of those events. This is true in some respects, but I have yet to meet an optimist who has everything work out perfectly for them. Alternatively, I have yet to meet a pessimist who has never had anything work out for them.
Optimism certainly has it's advantages, but so does pessimism. If you go through life always expecting the worst, then you will go through life always prepared for the worst. This mirrors the disadvantage of optimism which is that if you go through life expecting only the best, then you will not know how to react when reality happens and something goes wrong. I may sound like a pessimist saying that reality means something going wrong, but I am not. If nothing went wrong in real life, then how would we know what is right?
Optimism and pessimism should both be taken in moderation. I prefer to play them against each other and approach things with indifference. That way, you are not disappointed when things go horribly wrong, and you are pleasantly surprised when things go perfectly.
I do not feel like writing. I got home from work today at about 3:00, got on the phone with my health insurance company to clear up a medical bill, and found out that I actually do owe $425.00 instead of just $100.00. Okay fine, I expected that, so I called the hospital's patient assistance line so I can figure out a payment plan; Though $425.00 is one of my smaller medical bills, I still can't afford to pay it in one chunk. I got through right at about 3:20 and was placed immediately on hold. I watched a stupid but kind of cute show on MTV called "The 70's House" and had some cereal and a cigarette. After about 40 minutes on hold I considered hanging up and redialing, but the voice on the phone that comes on during the stupid music kept warning me against that... Aha, my cell phone. I called and got immediately put on hold again. Ugh! I hung up the cell phone, put the other phone on speaker mode so I could set it down and work on other things. I surfed the web, I vacuumed the corners, I framed and hung some art on the walls, I decided I didn't like it so I rehung it, then I decided I liked it better the first way and rehung it again. I had another cigarette and some Dr Pepper. I waited some more. I called again on my cell phone, but this time a message came on stating that their hours are from 7:00 am till 4:00. Those jerks! I was so mad that I had to eat chocolate! Why couldn't they just pick up the phone and say, "Sorry we're closing" and hang up again? I would still be mad, but at least I wouldn't have been chained to my phone for that last hour and a half after they officially closed.
Is there a secret government agency that regulates the happiness of certain demographics? Really, I'm not a conspiracy theorist - if anything I'm a part of the conspiracy - but there seems to be someone out there trying to make sure that some sitcoms, which would normally acquire a huge following and remain popular for years to come, are pulled off the air in the earliest stages of their development. There is a pattern to this wickedness that begins with advertising. The network spends all of their budget advertising the new sitcom. They show the best scenes of the first episode to make sure people will watch. Viewers tune in to the enticing new show and begin to show the first signs of additction, they're hooked and they want more. But then someone steps in, they change the time slot or the night, or both. The network spent all of the advertising money on the first wave, so there's no cash left to tout the "all-new" time slot. Yes, this is what "they" had planned. Of course, now no one knows when they can see the show; sometimes even the infallible Tivo is suckered in and records the wrong show. The network reacts in the only way they know how, "Pull the show, no one is watching!" A couple examples of this? How about Freaks and Geeks (cult following) and Wonder Falls (if you haven't seen it, you should). Every person I know who saw those shows loved them, but now they're gone. There are more, oh yes, but their memories have been lost over the years. That is what "they" want to happen.
There must be a division of this secret organization controlling "Bath & Body Works" too. I have noticed a similar pattern in their product line. Any woman who's been to "Bath & Body Works" knows what I mean. You go in and fall in love with a scent then, next time you go, the only item available in that fragrance is the hand sanitizer or the bar soap. This is when you realize that it's being phased out. You ask one of the perky sales-girls if they have that fragrance and of course she says, "I loved that scent too, but it wasn't a big seller". You know it would have been a big seller if they made body wash or lotion in that fragrance, but before you have a chance to speak she is rubbing the back of your hand with something called "Ultra-sweet sugar-berry" and telling you it's similar to the fragrance you're looking for. Of course it doesn't smell anything like "Refreshing Garden Mint", but she has been instructed to do this, it is a sales technique called cross-selling. Cross-selling means to sell something, anything, to someone who is looking for something else. They say it is a form of customer service. I'm not sure what that means but I have been working in it for about ten years. See? I am part of the conspiracy.
Illustration Friday: EmptyI love oldies. Today I was listening to the oldies station on the radio and the song "One" came on. You know, "One is the loneliest number...". It made me think. At first I thought that maybe Zero is lonelier than One, but Zero is nothing. Zero - for lack of a better description - doesn't exist. Having observed that, I would think that Ten, One-Hundred, One-Thousand and so on are just as lonely as One. They're just Ones who only have Zeroes to hang out with. Or are we to assume that Ten, One-Hundred, One-Thousand and so on are hanging out with Nine, Ninety-Nine, Nine-Hundred Ninety-Nine and so on? I certainly don't know. It make you think. Well, maybe not, but it made me think.
Illustration Friday: Aging
I am not an artist and I don't claim to be. I will however continue to try drawing at least one thing a week for Illustration Friday. How can I ever become an artist if I don't try? Who knows, maybe you will see a budding artist bloom through the electronic pages of this blog; or maybe not. I won't mark it down as a weakness till I've really failed at making it a strength.
Erma Bombeck wrote a column once in which a disgruntled housewife writes to the manufacturer of bug spray with a complaint that the roaches she used their spray on didn't die immediately like the ones in the commercial... and little "R.I.P" signs didn't rise up out of the ground where they lie. It made me think about those people out there who take things literally. Here's my version:
Dear Scott's Miracle Grow company:
Recently, while using your product, I became distracted and mistakenly put a half-cup of water more into the solution of miracle grow. Since your label expressly states that using your product in a manner that is not consistent with its label instructions is a federal crime, I felt it was my duty to inform you of this error. I assure you I immediately discarded the overly-diluted formula, but it did not wash away the guilt. Please Scott's Miracle Grow Company, I urge you to take whatever action is necessary and report my actions to the highest federal authority if that is what you must do.
Thank you for your time.
Best regards,
Law-breaking gardener in Arizona
