What's happened to me?

"Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else."
James Thorpe (1888 - 1953)

I fear the "domestic goddess" in me has taken her leave permanently. I'm turning into the stereotypical bachelor! The laundry basket is overflowing, yesterday's shirt is draped carelessly on the nightstand, and yesterday's socks - well they're on my feet today.
Often, my dinner comes from a frozen box, just heat & serve. But guess what dinner is tonight: Potato chips and french onion dip. By request! I actually sent my roommate to the store to fetch chips and dip for dinner! I used to love to cook! I always had a dinner of 1/4 protein, 1/4 carb and 1/2 vegetables. I sometimes even made multiple courses. I enjoyed cooking for others, and would use recipes and real spices. The last thing I cooked for someone else was toast and eggs. Not much of a recipe there! My housecleaning just doesn't get done anymore unless I've had a shitty day and Patrick offers to do some tidying to make me feel better.
And for everyone who knew me before, here's the real kicker - the dead giveaway that I've lost my inner-Martha Stewart: Would you believe I used premade bows on my gifts last Christmas!? And wrapping them felt like such a chore!
I hope it'll come back to me eventually. A lot has changed in the past year, but a lot seems to be changing back to "normal" too. At least now I know to be disgusted by the mess I sometimes let the kitchen become. For a while there I would just spray air freshener and complain to my rommate till the kitchen magically cleaned itself. Strange that, because I used to have an obsession with household cleaners, dusters, sponges and cleaning supplies that rivaled my obsession with office supplies. Somewhere I still have several pairs of rubber gloves in various stylish colors.
The domestic diva has got to come back eventually... right? Maybe when she does I'll throw a homecoming dinner party...

Punkass Credo

I used to believe that people in general are bad - fueled only by selfish desires and not to be trusted. I reserved my respect and kindness for those who had proven themselves worthy only. As a matter of fact I lived by the credo "I hate all people until they give me a reason to feel otherwise". I was a punkass, angst-filled teen who thought she was a badass.

The punkass credo was rooted in logic, or rather my teenage "logic" (oft called cynicism). My life's experiences amounted to exactly not much by the age of sixteen, but they were all I knew and thus all I could base my view of the world on. I was at that point where bad children are no longer the outcome of bad parenting, but a combination of societal influence, apathy & disdain. Ah, rebellion.

I never calculated self into the equation Self is the most overlooked factor in almost any philosphy on how to deal with, accept, appreciate, eradicate, etc... everyone else in the world. The problem being that the self is just another one of those people - to everyone else. Why did I have the right to decide who's good and who's bad? Where did I get off judging the worth of others? Especially seeing that if faced with a person who was doing the same I would never have given him my approval or respect. I would have argued that judging others, defining and determining their worth in relation to oneself is the only option because we have only our own perceptions by which to form our opinions. But the current me - aged and chock-full of wisdom (ha) would counter that, to begin at the worst and add favor as you go is counter-productive. If everyone lived by the punkass credo, then everyone hates each other until an opportunity to redeem oneself provided. How the hell does one redeem oneself to people he hates and who hate him too. Yeah... I was so smart.

With age comes the understanding that life is just easier if you don't try so damned hard to make it difficult, people are easier to like if you aren't looking for a reason to hate the, and almost everyone has something likeable about them. And if all else fails - just don't give a fuck.

I've decided not to have a credo now - they're burdensome and overrated.

Deleted Post

This post ain't here no more. Why are you reading it?

Oliver

This is my youngest, Oliver. I don't think he sticks his tongue out on purpose, it just gets a little dry and sticks - or maybe he is completely aware of it. Perhaps this face is directed toward me for taking away that chicken wing when he stole it off my fiance's plate.

The Girl is Back

I'm back after a long break from writing. I had to come back to draw this week's Illustration Friday topic - Cats. I love cats; I own three. I can't draw them (I found this out today) but I enjoy them nonetheless.
This picture is clearly inspired by my new obsession with abstract art. My medium is watercolors and a marker. Generally I prefer to use a Sharpie fine point but I went out of my comfort zone for this picture and used a Marks-A-Lot instead. I'm not terribly pleased with the results (it looks like a child drew it) so I will just pretend the Marks-A-Lot had something to do with it rather than user error (or just lack of talent).
Well...anyway... here's "Cats".

Illustration Friday: Cats

Cold

Illustration Friday: Cold

I love cold weather

The Wrong Wardrobe

Illustrtation Friday: Lost

I came up with the idea for this a while ago and finally got a chance to draw it for the topic of "Lost". I would have loved to include some of the other Hogwarts students and more characters from the Chronicles of Narnia, but I had no time. As a matter of fact, I only sketched this and had to have my boyfriend (the real artist) go over it in ink, redraw some of the elements and create some of the background (the wardrobe & trees for instance). I'm sure that, given enough time, I could have produced this myself... I'm sort of like an infinite number of monkey s at an infinite number of typewriters in that respect.

It's kind of funny that I had to have Patrick help with this if you read my previous post about collaboration. I seriously didn't know that I was going to need his help on this illo when I wrote that.

Two Heads...

The title of this post is a reference to the saying "Two heads are better than one", so you may not want to read this now that you know it's not about a circus freak-show, or those cute little mutant kittens that are sometimes born but die so young, or the palindromic symbolism of a snake head eating the head on the opposite side.
Two heads usually are better than one. It's debatable but, for the most part, true. I have always had a deep-down belief that my big success will come as a part of a collaborative effort. My boyfriend is an artist and child at heart. I am a writer and a child at heart. Put those together and great things could come from us. Unfortunately, we're both procrastinators and tend to talk more about our great ideas than actually act on them. Sometimes I go through phases where I feel I absolutely must accomplish a certain something. I think I'm dawning on one of those phases. Maybe this time it will be "The Great Collaboration" (though the title may change once the details are worked out).

For Those About to Write, I Salute You

The blogs I've been visiting lately are mostly dedicated to illustration, after all I've been following links from Illustrationfriday.com to get to them. Through many of those sites I learned about a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I asked for it for my birthday because writing is art, and I've been out of practice. Well, it turns out Julia Cameron also has a book called The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life. I know that the followers of The Artist's Way are big fans - they feel it offers the most refreshing and challenging assignments and lessons so let me tell you, The Right to Write is just as powerful.
After just six chapters, I am smitten with Cameron. The book is truly an invitation to write, to put aside all of your ingrained beliefs and preconceived notions about writers and writing, and to join her on the journey. Though the structure of the book is a "lessons & assignments" format, her writing style is far from tutorial; Cameron's language is poetic and colorful, the types of things I envy while reading other authors, but just "can't" duplicate on my own. Just after the first few pages I felt as though I was let in on a secret by a master of the skill - like a young ninja, asked to join the elite clan by the ringleader himself, or a measly hitman invited into the Mafia by the Don of the most important family.
This book comes highly recommended by me. What credentials do I have to be recommending books? I'm exactly like everyone else... and that's who this book is for. Writers & nonwriters alike are invited into the Writing Life. Anyone who is capable of using language should read this book. The freedom of writing is something that I believe every person should experience before deciding it is not their "thing", and this book makes it truly feel like a freedom.

Another Illustration

Illustration Friday: Escape

I love the idea of inanimate things coming to life to escape their boring existences, maybe because - as a human - I could never imagine living their "lives". My other idea was a picture of a lamp, pulling his cord from the wall to run away to freedom, complete with a "hobo sack". I chose this interpretation instead because it's just a lot easier to give a tree arms than it is a lamp. Also, it probably has some political poignance that was completely unintended. Seriously, I'm not a "tree-hugger" even if I do illustrate trees that could hug back.

Depth

Illustration Friday: Depth

I wasn't going to do an illustration this week, but I skipped last week's and I've been so busy working on making clothes for my niece's birthday that I've been ignoring my blog. This covers both... an illustration which I post to my blog. I hope you like it.

Dreams

Illustration Friday: Dreams

This is my little interpretation of dreams. Well, I had plenty of other ideas, but I spent so long working on some elements of this picture, that I had no time for the other ideas. I still don't know if the fairy is taking the "dream", or placing it. I guess it's up to the viewer.

Reflection

Illustration Friday: Reflection

Okay, so I didn't draw this picture. As a matter of fact, I didn't even take the picture. It is just such a cute image for the subject of "reflection" and I haven't had much time to draw. Well, special thanks this week to my best friend Brianne's son, Fred, for being such a cute subject and to Brianne for sending me the great picture.

Cheescake - sorry no recipe

Right now I am experiencing one of the greatest pleasures I have ever known. I am having some of my mother's cheesecake. I guess, by definition, it is actually a "cheese pie" but whatever, it is so good. Though I'm sure they didn't have this recipe in ancient times, I always imagined that the first cheesecakes must've tasted this good and the recipe was lost to all but my mother's family and passed down through the generations. For those of you who haven't read the Time Scout books or learned about the history of cheesecake elsewhere, it was invented by the Greeks a long time ago. I've read that the athletes would eat it before the Olympic games but if I'm correct about it tasting like my mom's, then it must have been the prize (in addition to staying alive till the next Olympic games).
My dad never liked my mom's cheescake. When I was young, I just thought he had a great deal of self-control when she'd pass out plates and he wouldn't take one. It turns out that he doesn't like any cheesecake (even the best one), something I will never understand but have come to appreciate. There are a lot of reasons I love my parents, too many to count (and I'm not just saying that). But the things I can think of most right now are my mom's delicious cheesecake and the fact that my dad always gives me his share. What fantastic parents I have!

Beverages & Psychology?

Optimism is good and pessimism is bad. This is what we are taught from the very earliest stages on. We are reminded not to act as though the glass is half-empty but as though it is half-full. But I think both optimism and pessimism are good, and I think both optimism and pessimism are bad.
The standard argument is that the way we perceive events has a direct effect on the outcomes of those events. This is true in some respects, but I have yet to meet an optimist who has everything work out perfectly for them. Alternatively, I have yet to meet a pessimist who has never had anything work out for them.
Optimism certainly has it's advantages, but so does pessimism. If you go through life always expecting the worst, then you will go through life always prepared for the worst. This mirrors the disadvantage of optimism which is that if you go through life expecting only the best, then you will not know how to react when reality happens and something goes wrong. I may sound like a pessimist saying that reality means something going wrong, but I am not. If nothing went wrong in real life, then how would we know what is right?
Optimism and pessimism should both be taken in moderation. I prefer to play them against each other and approach things with indifference. That way, you are not disappointed when things go horribly wrong, and you are pleasantly surprised when things go perfectly.

Wisdom

Illustration Friday: Wisdom

I'm happy to post my picture for the topic of wisdom. Having only recently started drawing, I have never done this type of art yet - "pop art" maybe? I guess in a sense, but really it's just copying someone else's box. It was fun trying to replicate the "Microsoft Windows XP Professional" box without actually stealing any of their elements. Well, here's my version. Click here to see theirs.

By the way - I just want to say thanks to those who have left comments for me. It's great to get feedback and I really appreciate the encouragement.

I Hate Mondays

I do not feel like writing. I got home from work today at about 3:00, got on the phone with my health insurance company to clear up a medical bill, and found out that I actually do owe $425.00 instead of just $100.00. Okay fine, I expected that, so I called the hospital's patient assistance line so I can figure out a payment plan; Though $425.00 is one of my smaller medical bills, I still can't afford to pay it in one chunk. I got through right at about 3:20 and was placed immediately on hold. I watched a stupid but kind of cute show on MTV called "The 70's House" and had some cereal and a cigarette. After about 40 minutes on hold I considered hanging up and redialing, but the voice on the phone that comes on during the stupid music kept warning me against that... Aha, my cell phone. I called and got immediately put on hold again. Ugh! I hung up the cell phone, put the other phone on speaker mode so I could set it down and work on other things. I surfed the web, I vacuumed the corners, I framed and hung some art on the walls, I decided I didn't like it so I rehung it, then I decided I liked it better the first way and rehung it again. I had another cigarette and some Dr Pepper. I waited some more. I called again on my cell phone, but this time a message came on stating that their hours are from 7:00 am till 4:00. Those jerks! I was so mad that I had to eat chocolate! Why couldn't they just pick up the phone and say, "Sorry we're closing" and hang up again? I would still be mad, but at least I wouldn't have been chained to my phone for that last hour and a half after they officially closed.

On Sitcoms and Lotion

Is there a secret government agency that regulates the happiness of certain demographics? Really, I'm not a conspiracy theorist - if anything I'm a part of the conspiracy - but there seems to be someone out there trying to make sure that some sitcoms, which would normally acquire a huge following and remain popular for years to come, are pulled off the air in the earliest stages of their development. There is a pattern to this wickedness that begins with advertising. The network spends all of their budget advertising the new sitcom. They show the best scenes of the first episode to make sure people will watch. Viewers tune in to the enticing new show and begin to show the first signs of additction, they're hooked and they want more. But then someone steps in, they change the time slot or the night, or both. The network spent all of the advertising money on the first wave, so there's no cash left to tout the "all-new" time slot. Yes, this is what "they" had planned. Of course, now no one knows when they can see the show; sometimes even the infallible Tivo is suckered in and records the wrong show. The network reacts in the only way they know how, "Pull the show, no one is watching!" A couple examples of this? How about Freaks and Geeks (cult following) and Wonder Falls (if you haven't seen it, you should). Every person I know who saw those shows loved them, but now they're gone. There are more, oh yes, but their memories have been lost over the years. That is what "they" want to happen.
There must be a division of this secret organization controlling "Bath & Body Works" too. I have noticed a similar pattern in their product line. Any woman who's been to "Bath & Body Works" knows what I mean. You go in and fall in love with a scent then, next time you go, the only item available in that fragrance is the hand sanitizer or the bar soap. This is when you realize that it's being phased out. You ask one of the perky sales-girls if they have that fragrance and of course she says, "I loved that scent too, but it wasn't a big seller". You know it would have been a big seller if they made body wash or lotion in that fragrance, but before you have a chance to speak she is rubbing the back of your hand with something called "Ultra-sweet sugar-berry" and telling you it's similar to the fragrance you're looking for. Of course it doesn't smell anything like "Refreshing Garden Mint", but she has been instructed to do this, it is a sales technique called cross-selling. Cross-selling means to sell something, anything, to someone who is looking for something else. They say it is a form of customer service. I'm not sure what that means but I have been working in it for about ten years. See? I am part of the conspiracy.

Need Illustrator Help!

Illustration Friday: Empty

Here's my illustration for "empty". It didn't take me very long, which is fantastic considering I'm not an artist.

I could definitely use some help with Adobe Illustrator if anyone has any tips. I know there are the obvious flaws - that is because I was self-taught at Illustrator and used it in a very limited aspect at my last job. I am actually an okay self-teacher, so I have no doubt that you will see an improvement as I continue with this. My main problem though is the smoothness of the lines. I manage to produce an awesome, clean .EPS in Illustrator & then when I export it to .JPG format, it gets all jaggedy and weird looking (click on the pic to see the larger version looks weird). I have saved at really high quality and it doesn't seem to help. Please, any experienced Illustrator users who visit, feel free to leave suggestions in my "comments". Thanks!

The Loneliest?

I love oldies. Today I was listening to the oldies station on the radio and the song "One" came on. You know, "One is the loneliest number...". It made me think. At first I thought that maybe Zero is lonelier than One, but Zero is nothing. Zero - for lack of a better description - doesn't exist. Having observed that, I would think that Ten, One-Hundred, One-Thousand and so on are just as lonely as One. They're just Ones who only have Zeroes to hang out with. Or are we to assume that Ten, One-Hundred, One-Thousand and so on are hanging out with Nine, Ninety-Nine, Nine-Hundred Ninety-Nine and so on? I certainly don't know. It make you think. Well, maybe not, but it made me think.

I am not an artist

Illustration Friday: Aging

I am not an artist and I don't claim to be. I will however continue to try drawing at least one thing a week for Illustration Friday. How can I ever become an artist if I don't try? Who knows, maybe you will see a budding artist bloom through the electronic pages of this blog; or maybe not. I won't mark it down as a weakness till I've really failed at making it a strength.

Let's Be Literal

Erma Bombeck wrote a column once in which a disgruntled housewife writes to the manufacturer of bug spray with a complaint that the roaches she used their spray on didn't die immediately like the ones in the commercial... and little "R.I.P" signs didn't rise up out of the ground where they lie. It made me think about those people out there who take things literally. Here's my version:
Dear Scott's Miracle Grow company:
Recently, while using your product, I became distracted and mistakenly put a half-cup of water more into the solution of miracle grow. Since your label expressly states that using your product in a manner that is not consistent with its label instructions is a federal crime, I felt it was my duty to inform you of this error. I assure you I immediately discarded the overly-diluted formula, but it did not wash away the guilt. Please Scott's Miracle Grow Company, I urge you to take whatever action is necessary and report my actions to the highest federal authority if that is what you must do.
Thank you for your time.
Best regards,
Law-breaking gardener in Arizona

You Don't Have to Read This

Ever had one of those friends who tries to persuade you into not doing something with the old “you don’t have to do anything” phrase. Like when you tell them you have to go to work instead of the Mexican Midget Rodeo, they make you feel like some sissy conformist who’s working for the man. You don’t have to do anything. Let’s evaluate their logic with the following questions: “Who makes us do these things we have to do?“ and “Why do we have to do them?”

Q. Who makes us do the things we have to do?
A. The man. Your friend is right.
There are several different forms of the man out there: The government (I have to pay my taxes), your boss (I have to go to work), your teacher (I have to turn in this assignment), your girlfriend’s cat (I have to feed Mr. Flufferwubbykins), etc… Yes, the man is omnipresent; an all-pervading entity designed by humanity to dictate our actions and fueled by necessity.

Q. Why do we have to do them?
A. We don’t. Your friend is right.
We convince ourselves that we have to do things because we don’t think there is an alternative. Oh, there are alternatives for everything. Let us review a few. For completeness’ sake, we will observe the ‘Have-to’ the ‘Alternative’ and for fun, the ‘Result’.

Have-to: I have to go to work.
Alternative: You don’t go to work
Result: You get fired

Have-to: I have to visit my Grandma
Alternative: You don’t visit your Grandma
Result: You do not get inheritance when Grandma kicks it

Have-to: I have to eat
Alternative: You don’t eat
Result: You die

And those are just a few examples. Okay, now for:
The Flaw in the Logic:

Have-to: You have to go to the bathroom
Alternative: You don’t go to the bathroom
Result: You still have to go to the bathroom.
*As everyone knows, still having to go to the bathroom is virtually the same as having to go to the bathroom. So there you go. There’s your argument. Next time your sissy, belittling, non-conformist, anti-authority, hippie friend tells you that you don’t have to do anything, you can tell them- in all honesty- you most certainly do.

Absolutely Nothing

I’m sitting down to write because I told myself I would at least three times a week. Every great writer (or creative writing teacher) I’ve known says that there is no such thing as writer’s block. They tell you to get up, have a walk, eat, watch TV or better yet, just sit down and write even if it’s about absolutely nothing. Okay, here I am writing about absolutely nothing. Thank you Mr. Henderson.

5 Yoshi’s here with me. Yup, good old Yoshi. He is a handsome cat with yellowish-green eyes and sleek, glossy black fur. When Patrick and I met him at the Petsmart adoption center we fell in love with him because he reminded us of my Mom & Dad’s cat, Boo. Anyone who’s ever met Boo wondered immediately why we fell in love with Yoshi. Boo has attitude…to say the least. He is gray and short-haired. He has the shape of a Siamese cat, but he’s got a big butt; very pear-shaped. He tends to get into things. As a matter of fact, if it is true that everyone has a purpose, getting into things is his. That, and always being underfoot. When he is caught doing something wrong, and you run up to him yelling or clapping your hands or both, he just stops and looks at you. “Why are you bothering me?” He seems to say through narrowed eyes. But he’s a cutie. That’s why we fell in love with Yoshi.
“So,” you ask, “is Yoshi like Boo?” Yes, of course he is. Patrick and I were doomed to live out our wish, thus learning to be careful what we wish for. When we chose Yoshi, he was in a cage with another black cat. At the time, they called him Bucky and his parenthetical title was “the fat one". Oho…they thought he was fat then? He’s massive now, he has surpassed Boo in enormity. And like Boo, he too is a trouble-maker. His favorite place to be? Why wherever we don’t want him, of course; for instance, pressing his fore-paw into your surgical wound and sinking all 18 pounds of himself into it.
Yoshi’s meow sounds like a gargle. It’s cute, but sometimes he does it without opening his mouth and that’s kind of creepy. But all in all my Yoshi’s cute and wonderful…even the birdy-sounding gargle-meow.

Potter "hate mail" rant

My new obsession this month is Harry Potter. Okay, well it’s been an obsession for a while now, but it always resurfaces full-force upon the release of a new book or movie. My recent new cause being to get the word out that Carrie Ann Moss has to play Narcissa Malfoy in the next movie, I found myself at Mugglenet.com where this little gem of hate mail stood out to me:

HOw DARE you compare one of the best pieces of litature to a little kids movie, and devote a whole website to it? ok there may be some things alike between the lord of the rings and harry potter but thats because the writers of harry potter ripped some things off. … honsetly all that harry potter is a piece of crap that is a lord the rings rip off.

Let us assume the writer meant Lord of the Rings as one amongst the best pieces of literature as numerous Google searches for ‘litature’ have come up negative. My argument to this grammar enthusiast (note the sarcasm) is that, to compare - by simple definition - is to point out the “some things“ that are “alike” between two or more subjects. After his scathing acceptance that there are indeed some things alike between Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings he states that HP is a rip-off of LOTR. This is a statement that screams: “I have not read the books I mentioned in this letter, nor have I seen the movies. I am, in fact, a complete nincompoop.”

The Harry Potter series and Lord of the Rings are alike mostly in that they are stories about people in which things happen. That being said, I think it is pretty obvious that every book ever written is a blatant rip-off of the bible. No, no, I am kidding.

There are bound to be similarities between any story that centers on magic and LOTR because JRR Tolkien invented, defined or elaborated on almost everything we know about the magical world. Much like how Shakespeare is credited with inventing many words of the English language, Tolkien created a magic so realistic that we are forced to use it because people wouldn’t believe it otherwise. An author would be opening themselves for contemptuous letters with comments such as: “Elves don’t use battle-axes, dwarves use battle axes. What are you, stupid?”
Actually, one would be surprised by the lack of rip-offs in the Harry Potter series. It certainly doesn’t mirror Tolkien’s Middle Earth the way that Eragon or Wizard of Earthsea do, and yet both of those books are still very good and unique to boot.

A new similarity presented in the most recent installment of the series, Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince. has Harry learning that in order to kill the all-time worst baddie, he must first destroy an object (or objects). This is a lot like the ‘One Ring’ I guess, but the theories, reasons, motives, still very different. Despite any similarities I haven't pointed out, the two stories are completely different. Take it from someone who has read both the HP series and LOTR and loves them exceedingly.


Thanks for reading. If you don’t agree with me, good; It takes all kinds to make a world.
But if you don’t agree that Carrie Ann Moss should play Narcissa Malfoy then kiss my ass.